The MonSter within

This Month’S MiSsive is brought to you by the letters M & S  (not the well known retailer)
I’ve always been Ms – if anyone telephones and asks for Mrs so-and-so I know they have no idea who I am. A caller once asked if they could speak to Mrs Morrell – my departed boyfriend (not dead, just left me) was Mr Morrell. We had always been MarvellouSly unmarried. Unsurprisingly, I wasn’t thrilled to receive that phone call. Even if an unknown caller gets the correct surname, I’m unlikely to want to talk to them and rarely give out my landline number – Mobile’S best for me.

Let’s suppose my surname is Stuart. It’s not but I quite like the idea of being Ms M.S. It is common for me to be cast as an unnamed female character - Mum or Teacher or Nurse etc. I recently played Headteacher in a short film. The writer/director agreed I could call her Ms Mary Stewart. It always looks better for your character to have a name on your CV. I went with this name as I was drawing upon BBC newscaster Moira Stuart for the headteacher’s voice. Ms Stuart has gorgeous tones and is a joy for me to hear on BBC Radio 2 in the MorningS.

Anyway, as Ms Stuart I might get a junk phone call asking to speak to Mrs Stuart – I will ask who is calling or, if I’m feeling grumpy, I’ll just say there is no such person ignoring the fact that my sister-in-law is Mrs Stuart, my mother was Mrs Stuart, and there must be nuMerouS other Mrs Stuarts in the world.

Ms is not the same as Miss or Mrs but can disguise either. My Sister is a Dr (not medical but she has a PhD so doesn’t have to be Ms, MisS or MrS). I don’t even have a MSc. I am a Ms with MS. The MonSter pervades my life. On a Facebook forum today, another MSer posted the idea that referring to our condition as MonSter is negative and we should alternatively go with MeSsenger “telling you to slow down, rest up, eat well and love the good things and people in your life “. A bringer of tidings, good and bad?

I think I’ll stick with MonSter. I quite like MonSters – they can be friendly MaSsive MateS. Their MiSsion is not always MadneSs. The MeSs my MonSter brings may not be something I would have wanted to join. However, MemberShip changed my life MaSsively in a MilliSecond in MillionS of ways, not all bad but I’m still discovering what they are.

The MuSic of my life is an unknown ManuScript MoStly played out in MicroSoft packages or eaten with dodgy quantities of MSg. If I make MiStakes, I proMiSe to recoMpenSe as best I can.

This xMaS I have not kissed under the MiStletoe but I have MuSed on life and love. I am making MoveS forward. It is not iMpoSsible to change. I have MS but I won’t go backwards. Let’s face it – I don’t do SM. I’ve got enough pain going on already.