Tuesday, 6 March 2012

Losing it

I lost one of my pills dockets the other day. I also lost the ribbons which denote which is the front and not the back of my bag. I’ve lost so many things.

I did not lose my parents. My mum died. My dad died. That’s not the same as losing but it is a loss. A loss that I grieve for. Particularly on my youngest nephew’s birthday which is the same date as the anniversary of my dad’s death – 17 February.

It took a long time for me to be able to say my mum or my dad is dead. It sounded so final. People would offer condolences for my loss but I always thought – she/he’s not lost. I know exactly where she/he is, or rather I know exactly where both my mum and my dad are buried. Where they are now is perhaps different. They remain in my heart and in my thoughts. Especially when I lose things or things seem to disappear or mechanical/electrical things go wrong. I think my mum or dad are playing tricks on me. They’re reminding me to think of them. And I do.

What else have I lost? Well, I’ve lost my ability to remember things. My ability to remember my diary. I used to be able to keep a whole tour schedule in my brain as well as having it written down.  I’ve lost my sense of spatial awareness and geographical awareness so I don’t remember routes. I will arrive somewhere and, when I come to leave, I can’t remember whether I turned left or right to get in and therefore whether I should turn right or left to get out.

I hate losing things but I’m not losing my sense of humour. I’m still remembering that there’s more to life than little things and I’m just going to carry on as long as I can. I’ve not totally lost the plot. Now, which way do I go from here?

2 comments:

  1. Please don't be discouraged! I have something that could help you. I am an artist and I just finished editing and illustrating a book for a well-known food scientist, Woodrow Monte, PhD, in which he reveals in detail his discovery of the cause of Multiple Sclerosis. I am now doing everything I can to get the word out to people who are suffering from MS. Dr. Monte’s work is sound and his conclusions are undeniable in face of the voluminous evidence he provides. He has been working with several MS patients who, based on his findings, are getting their lives back. One who was in very bad shape not long ago is now driving and riding her horse for the first time in six years. His findings explain why such diets as the “Cave Man” diet actually result in some remission in symptoms.

    Dr. Monte proves that the simple one and only cause of MS is exposure to methanol. It is the methanol in cigarettes that is responsible for the known link between MS and smoking. It is the methanol in Ditto machines that is responsible for the MS cluster in school teachers. And it is the methanol in aspartame, which is heavily consumed in diet sodas, that is responsible for the explosion of MS in the past 30 years since its approval by the FDA for use in diet drinks. Methanol is found in lesser amounts in several common foods as well, but all are easily avoided.

    When consumed, it is converted by the enzyme known as Alcohol Dehydrogenase Class 1 (ADH1) into formaldehyde inside the body’s most sensitive tissues. Formaldehyde works as an embalming agent because it is very "sticky" - it is a molecule that grabs onto anything it comes in contact with, and it ties all the cells together, causing a rubberizing effect. Once inside the brain, the formaldehyde quickly attaches to the myelin sheaths, and that change prompts the body's white blood cells to devour the damaged sheaths. The myelin sheath can regenerate if it is not yet entirely destroyed - which is why MS sufferers experience periods of remission and why avoiding methanol in the diet and environment can cure MS if it hasn't gone too far.

    I will send anyone who asks the chapter from Dr. Monte’s book that deals specifically with MS. Just email me at beckymillerartist at yahoo dot com. I won't use your address for anything else and I won't share it with anyone. More information about Dr. Monte and his work can be found on his website: www.WhileScienceSleeps.com. Read reviews of his book here: http://www.amazon.com/While-Science-Sleeps-Woodrow-Monte/dp/1452893675/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1325305395&sr=1-1

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  2. Good news: Dr. Monte has made the chapter from his book that deals specifically with MS available for free download on his website. You don't have to log in, register, or pay any money. It's free and easy! Read it for yourself and find out how you are being exposed to methanol – the one and only cause of MS.

    http://www.whilesciencesleeps.com/multiple-sclerosis-the-solution/

    ReplyDelete

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