Another day, another song - Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. It’s the ‘Who do you think you are?’ lyrics that resonated with me because of MyMan deciding he can’t ‘do’ relationships until he has ‘found’ himself. I have a friend who would like to “shake him till his eyeballs rattle”. I can’t help but agree.
Who I am has changed a lot over the last few years. When I first had DX my MS Specialist nurse often told me that I should remember I am still me. I have MS, it doesn’t have me. Except it does. My MS affects nearly every bit of me and my life. I read the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino for the first time today and thoroughly recommend it as a way of understanding what it feels like to have a major medical condition: Spoon Theory
The year before DX I was a different person, just getting used to my dad having died. Getting used to being an orphan as a friend slightly thoughtlessly, if literally, put it. I didn’t really understand how badly I was bereaved. Dad died in 2008, Mum in 2005. I don’t remember going through the Seven Stages of Grief but when I became thoroughly depressed with my MS I began to recognise my bereavement. I had lost my parents and I had lost myself.
I don’t know when or if I have found myself but I think I have. Or at least I am on that journey as we all are. I don’t think it’s finite because I think we are always changing. I’m pretty sure I have been a good girlfriend. Supergirlfriend I have been labelled. According to MyMan, I tick all the boxes. And yet now I am alone again.
The real irony is that I may shortly be helping with some publicity for the MS Society Cake Break. I commented on this wonderful lickingthehoney blog spot Sharing a Sharps Bin saying that “I met MyMan at my CakeBreak in aid of MS Society so he knew from the start that I have a lifetime condition.” I went on to say “None of us can truly know what a relationship will turn up.” Little did I know that my relationship was about to end. Little did I also know my story would catch the eye of a Press & PR Officer who is working on the PR for this year’s Cake Break. She finds my story unique. I don’t know if it is. I do know hosting Cake Break had its fringe benefits for me. I don’t know who I think I am believing anyone else would be remotely interested but let’s hope they are. Let’s hope more people join in with fund raising and eating cake. I certainly intend to. Now should I invite the ex-MyMan to my Cake Break this year? We found he does make an exceedingly good cake.