Wednesday, 27 April 2011

Here you come again

I was struck by this song on the radio yesterday. I hadn’t heard it for years. Whilst I know many people have sung it, somehow the Dolly Parton version is the one that sticks with me.

It’s not the message of the emotional impact one person can have over another that connected with me but the refrain: “here you come again and here I go”.

I quite often feel like that.

I had a sudden mood drop this afternoon. I don’t know why. The unpredictability of my condition is often bewildering but it’s a long time since I’ve felt so inexplicably blue.

I had done a roleplay job today. I was playing a positive, upbeat teacher. The roleplay consists of a 20 minute interview with the person being assessed who, for the meeting, is in the position of a new headteacher. I do the roleplay four times a day with different applicants. They are all applying to become trainee headteachers, working towards the mandatory National Professional Qualification for Headteachers.

For the last one, as usual, I started the meeting smiling and enthusiastic. By the end I was crushed. The assessor noted that I was a different person going out than the one who had come in and recognised that this was in reaction to how the meeting had been conducted. It was obvious why my mood had changed. What was strange was that whilst the ‘headteacher’ had probably seen the mood change, he persisted in adopting a telling, unnecessarily hyper-critical stance that left my poor character demoralised and confused. The assessor almost certainly found a wide range of development points to feed back to the prospective trainee headteacher.

If I knew what brought on my mood drop in real life perhaps I could prevent it happening.

However, it may well be that this email message from the MS Specialist Trials Nurse initiated the change:
“Your blood results appeared today. Unfortunatley they only processed the electrolyte part of the test not the full blood count. I assume that this is because it took longer than expected to get to the lab due to Easter. (Even though I checked and they said that there was a normal service good friday and sat - humph!!)

“So the bottom line is I need to check again. Because of all the festivities this week I would rather wait until early next week….

“…Sorry to ask you again but I need to know that those pesky lymphocytes are behaving.”

Yes, there is a typo and lack of capitalisation. I can rise above that. But still not to know if my Pacmans are up to scratch and to need another blood test makes me sigh.

My mood drop didn’t last too long but, when it came, I was gone.
I am back and will write again when I’m not so tired. Oooh, fatigue…. that’s a whole other story!

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